But, Butt... :

I want to talk about asses. Arses if you're English, or maybe 'buttock' if you're really prudish and feel uncomfortable saying either 'ass' or 'arse'?

Now, is there really anything sexier than a smooth tight little ass/arse/buttock? Yet, I think sometimes they're one of the most forgotten parts of our bodies. I mean how many cosmetic companies produce posterior cheek blush, age-defying buttock wrinkle cream, or a gluteal scrub? None. Come to think of it, how hard would they be to market this age of sexual freedom and commercialisiaton? Mmm... maybe there's a niche in the market for these things?

Neanderthal men thought asses were very sexy. In his book, 'The Naked Ape', Desmond Morris speculates that women's breasts became fleshy and round as humans evolved from the other primates and began to walk upright. Human used to, like other primates still do, used their asses to indicate when they were ready to mate. Since the human female is almost always in a sexually capable condition, he believes that, the breasts evolved as an ever-present sexual display on the front of the female body-- a duplication of round fleshy butt.

Now, what about a man's ass? Oh yes! Why are they so damned sexy? It's not like, my instincts are telling me, "He's got a great ass, he must be virile and able to provide for me and the tribe of kids we're going to have," or is it? Isn't a man's tight and hard ass indicative of a fit and healthy, able to produce and provide, body? Isn't it also the power behind the penis?

Yet, we still tend to concentrate on facial beautification. In a world where advertisers tell us everything from what clothes to wear to what brand of soap wash with-- to attract the opposite sex, is it perhaps more to do with commercial conditioning and marketing rather than misguided instincts?

There may well be a quest for the best (ass), but it's usually cloaked under different terms. Tighter jeans are sexier-- really just because they show your ass off. If your fitter, your sexier -- again your ass will be trimmer. Etc... Sure people say things like, "Look at that gorgeous ass!", but it's never with the same sincerity as a complement about the face, is it?Rather than refer to the ass in a sexual way, it is often seen as -- please excuse the pun-- the butt of many crude jokes.

Perhaps it's the Anglo-Saxon sense of humour that keeps up from taking our asses too seriously? But geez, how that evolve, anyway? I know very few women who are actually happy with their behinds. They almost always perceive them as being too fat, to flat, to flabby, too freaking something! I guess most men don't think much about their rear ends. I asked my other half what he thought of his. He said, "I've never really checked my out, it's difficult to see it from the front." Good grief, every woman knows how to contort herself in front of a mirror so she can see her ass from every angle!

But, all butt jokes aside, don't you think asses are one of the most sexy, yet under rated, parts of the body?

Oh, and any guys who want to sent me pics, please feel free. I would just love to see cute butt-- now, that's just got to be an offer you don't get often enough!

Body Language:



Body language, yes,that fascinating use of space and nonverbal communication between us that says it all without speaking a single word. Do you pick up on every little, and no so little, signal that's sent you way?

According to the experts, our non-verbal language communicates about 50% of what we really mean, voice tone contributes 38%, while words themselves contribute a mere 7%. And yet, many people are simply unaware of how loudly they communicate with their bodies.

So, this woman looks directly at a man, walks slowly over to him, licks her luscious lips, smiles, and says, "I was wondering if you have the time?" Well, hot damn it! She wants to know if he has the time all right, but let me tell you, she's not the least bit interested in his watch!

On that note, it's interesting to note, that research shows that most men need to have body language repeated up to three times before it actually registers. While women tend to pick up on it immediately. Why might this be so? Is it possibly because women perhaps tend to note and pay more attention to small details? E.g. Did any of you men out there realise that I've just used the word 'note' three times in this paragraph?

Men may be slow to pick up body language, but they certainly know how to perform it. The stroking of the tie is a classic. He may be rather proud of his impressive silk accessory, but that's not the reason he's fondling it so fondly as he's trying to chat up that hot babe. No, he's much more focused on something further south, and he's desperately hoping she will be, too, before the night's over. Yes, body language speaks, and that one just screams phallic!

You often see men performing body language en masse, too. A gorgeous woman walks up to a bunch of them, and immdediately they all take a deep breath, suck in their bellies and puff out their hairy chests. Why, you can almost hear the collective rush of the air during this mighty 'mansoon'.

Of course, our use and reading of body language is largely unconscious. We send out messages constantly, and yet we don't always recognise that we're communicating. A gay friend told me he can always spot other gays immediately. I asked him how. He said, "When I make eye contact with a straight man, he looks away. A gay man doesn't." I'm sure hetro men don't give it a second thought, but what their actually 'saying', at this point of contact, is "Sorry, mate, I'm straight."

It can be as subtle as that, or as blatant as the tie titillation, but either way it's telling others something about us. It's the message about what's really on our minds. So, are you in touch with the bodies and body language around you? Do recognise the difference between a come hither glance and a go slither glare? Are you in tune with the most secret and powerful language of all?

I leave you to ponder.

Don't Put it Off :

I went and had a breast examination, and one of those pap smear thingies, today. For those of you (fellas) who don't know what a pap smear thingy is—all you need to know is you don't need one, and they're uncomfortable. (I'm fine, btw.)

Well, actually, they're very uncomfortable. I mean men avoid, and whinge and complain about, having to have prostate examinations but, let me tell you, given the choice of having someone wriggle their digit up my date and letting someone practically stick their fist up my fanny, I know which one I'd take.

Men can be such sooks! In fact I read in Cleo (every woman's bible) a while back that if men and women could take turns to have babies, and the women always had the first one, there'd be three kids in every family!

Ah but I digress...

Anyway, I'd been putting it off, and putting it off. It's not really the discomfort that I've been avoiding, it's just that I don't like visiting my doctor, generally. The worse case scenario is that he'll discover that I'm suffering from some acute life-threatening tropical disease, and the best is that he'll find the usual rust and corrosion and tell me, in so many words, that my body is slowly falling apart at a chronologically acceptable rate.

Of course, he always says I should be exercising more, drinking more water, eating more fibre, and getting more sleep. Piff! Doctors can just be such picky picks, can't they? Mines got all these pictures of himself, in shorts and runners, plastered all around his office. It's like he thinks he's this super fit and healthy being, that all his patients should be trying to emulating.

It's always the same routine, too, he examines me, then just when I'm feeling comfortable and I want to talk about all the things that I'm sure I have, because I read about the symptoms on the internet, he stands up and kind of ushers me out of his office like... well, like I'm perfectly fine!

I ask you, is it any wonder that is always take me so long to get around to make an appointment to see him?

But, more seriously, while chatting with a friend the other day, the importance of breast examinations and pap smear tests for women, and prostate examinations for men, came up. One in three people in Australia will be touched by cancer at some time in their lives. Among adults, the younger you are when you're diagnosed the higher your chances of survival are, for almost all types of cancer. Basically, it's more than worth while to suffer a little discomfort and embarrassment, since early detection provides the best outcome.

So, when was your last check up?